Goodbye Mr Cullen
by xlovestory
Summary: I can’t continue this anymore. I have to get out of this blooming large whole I’ve let myself fall into. Because being in love with this man will gain me nothing. Only a broken heart - something I can live without. BxE oneshot.


_This is a one-shot, with the possibility of turning into a two-shot, slightly inspired by the song 'Goodbye Mr A' by The Hoosiers. This idea came to me ages ago, and I began to write it. After a while, I forgot about it, and then I found it again today, and completed it. I hope you enjoy this, although it is pretty sad. **Drop me a review telling me what you think, and if you'd like a second section! (:**_

**Goodbye Mr Cullen.**

…

It's an exact science, trying to make his morning hot drink to the way he likes it. He's a hot chocolate fan, you see. But it's not just any type of hot chocolate; it's special, just like him. It's so hard to get it exactly like he wants it, that I can only go to the Starbucks where my friend's boyfriend Jasper works on the other side of town to get it made for him. Only Jasper can get the recipe down to a tee.

He likes the hot chocolate grains mixed in with full fat milk at the bottom of the cup. It's mixed until it's thick and tiny little bubbles shine through. Then the marshmallows get added, lying gently on top of the mixture. The hot water drains them as it flows down, instantly melting them, and making their sweet goodness filter into the entire drink. Then it's topped off the a caramel ring, a few spare marshmallows on the top, and then dusted with more chocolate grains.

Jasper smiles at me as he hands it over. I give him the money, putting the cup into a holder and sliding my boring, plain coffee in beside it. He gives me the change, winking. "Yet another day working for the big guy, huh?"

I smile, trying to be happy and nod. "Yep. Just another day."

"Any exciting things happening today?" Jasper always makes small talk with the customers; I've watched him try and stay awake as someone lands all their worries on him. But he'd my friend's friend; one of my friends, and I know he's asking me not just to be polite. Jasper loves a bit of gossip too.

I roll me eyes, hoisting me bag back onto my shoulder and flattening out my skirt once more. I grab the cup holder, making sure the cups are balanced before smiling back at him. "Sure. If you call joining Edward Cullen on one of his 'meetings' with Jessica Stanley exciting." The sarcasm drip from my voice easily.

He shoots me a sympathetic look. "Unlucky."

I shrug, pulling my smile back on once more. "I know."

I give him a swift wave, before pushing the door open, feeling the cold November winds of New York blow over me. I used to be incredibly unstable on my feet, but I've lived through the battles with the New York weather, so I'm fixed for life.

Today he would wear his dark green shirt with the thin black tie. He would look stunning as usual, and the green would make his eyes brighter than normal. Although, nothing about this man was normal. He could never be seen as simply normal. He was a God among men, with his body being the bait that every little female - and sometimes male - craved. His hair would be the only thing normal about him. For the last three years I have worked with Edward Cullen, his hair has stayed the same unruly mess it must have always been. Bronze, curly, and unbelievably sexy.

He'll come from his parent's house just outside town today. It's Friday, the last day of the week. And every Thursday his mother cooks a Roast; with Edward present every time. He'd have slept over there, in his old bed, before turning up at work at eleven on the dot today. He'll walk in with a million eyes watching him, hang his suit jacket up on his peg just outside his office door, say hello and send a crooked smile my way, then shut the door. That's his routine.

I fumble through the enormous bag Alice called a 'must have item' which she brought back from Mexico for me. With one hand holding our hot drinks, the liquid occasionally spilling and burning my fingers, the other searched for cab money. My hand shoots out as the yellow car speeds my way, turning around quickly and standing in front of me in two seconds flat. I hop in, smile thankfully at the driver, and then we speed away again, with 'Cullen and McCarthy's' as our destination.

Edward Cullen has a lunch 'meeting' with Jessica Stanley today; one of the leading representatives for her daddy's firm - a firm we happen to be in competition with. Edward will swing by his favourite restaurant just a little past twelve - the time he was supposed to be there- just to show her who's boss. He'll sit down, give her a lingering kiss on her cheek and make her melt to mush so he can win the contract he set out for. It's a very well formulated plan. He'll win her heart, with never mentioning a thing about meeting her after this meeting, she'll go back to Stanley Cooperates, gush about how great this deal would be and the contract will be ours by the end of next week. He's got brains that Cullen; that's why he's boss, along with his friend and colleague Emmett McCarthy, who owns half the business.

His dog, a lovely black Labrador called Sophie needs picked up from the groomers today. She also needs new food and some dog vitamins with a Japanese name I've never heard of. His navy and his black suits need picked up from the dry cleaners tomorrow, as they only deliver on weekdays and Edward needs them both Saturday and Sunday evening. He has hair appointment tomorrow morning, which he'll go to and look no different when he walks into the office once more on Monday morning, and he needs to renew his gym membership card.

Now, you're all probably wondering how I know all this stuff. He has in fact got stalkers, but I'm not one of them. You see, three years ago I escaped from the suffocating town of Forks, Washington. I arrived in New York a few days later, walking past a wall which thankfully held notices for roommates. That's where I met Alice; a friend I'll have for life. After getting settled there it began apparent I needed a job for the rent issue, and that's when I had the great idea of being interviewed as the personal assistant to Edward Cullen; most sought after man in The Big Apple. Needless to say, I was offered the job, and that's what I've done the last three years.

I look up, finding we are almost at Cullen and McCarthy Enterprises. The building towers over the street as we draw up in the cab. I push the money through the small slot, gathering the change into my free hand and scooting out the cab, shouting a thank you behind me. After placing the money into a small section of my bag, I raise my hand, finding it's 10:35. I smile as I walk into my workplace, waving at the people I meet. I'm known around here; everyone tries to befriend Edward Cullen's assistant. They see me as a sort of ticket to the sixth floor. But I'm not fooled. If they want to make their way up in this business, or simply get into Edward's pants, they can find another way to do it.

Instead of taking the lift up to the sixth floor, I walk up the stairs, taking my time, until I reach the second. I walk along, waving hello so people I know, before finding Alice sitting at her desk, surrounded my papers and a phone that constantly rings.

She smiles once she sees me, then holds a finger up to silence me as she lets her other hand pick up the phone to answer. "Hello, and welcome to Cullen and McCarthy Enterprises, Second Floor. My name is Alice. How can I help you today?"

I smile as I hear her say the same thing she does every time the phone rings. She's so used to it now, she almost does it at home. Phoning after a busy day following Edward around and picking up to that exact line isn't the comforting girl talk I wanted.

She grabs a pen, writing something down quickly in her neat scrawl. She nods while hmming along, keeping the customer happy. She then signs off, tucking the note into a safe place between stacks on her desk.

"Good morning?" I ask, questioning her.

She runs her hands through her hair before scowling. "Not really, yours?"

I laugh, trying to feel happy. "Mine hasn't even started yet."

She looked up and I noticed the blackness under her eyes. I frowned. "Are you sleeping alright? Or is Jasper keeping you up late?"

She smirked, a blush slightly tinting her cheeks. "A little bit of both actually."

I laughed, placing the cups of coffee down on her desk. I check the time once more, sighing as I realised I really should be getting upstairs. Still, a little longer won't hurt. He gets in at the same time every day. It won't change.

I run my hand through my hair and sigh. Alice always notices. "What have you got on the agenda today then? A few trips out to pick up his dry cleaning, a few more trips for coffee and dealing with all of the girls who were left hanging on their dates last week?" She acts sarcastic, but I don't fail to notice the pitying look she throws my way.

I shake my head. "Actually, we have a dinner date with Stanley, so that's something to look forward to."

Alice pats me hand comfortingly. "Maybe it won't be so bad."

I laugh ironically. "Ha. That's a thought."

I pick up the coffee cups again, and throw her a quick smile and wave before moving towards the lift. After stepping inside, I straighten up, press number six and feel my stomach rise as we begin to move. Eventually the lift stutters to a close, waiting approximately four seconds before the doors open and let me onto my floor.

I walk through the numerous desks, all piled high with work and ringing telephones. I now know why Edward asked the contractors to give me sound proof walls. I couldn't stand all the rings for more than minutes a day. I wave to the few people to call my name and send me a hello. Then I walk past Lauren who is as friendly as ever. But I don't return her glare. She doesn't like me very much; she thinks my job should be hers. But lets face it. If Edward had wanted her, he'd have taken her long ago. Edward Cullen doesn't wait around.

I quickly take off my jacket, hanging it on the back of my chair and drop my large bag at the side of my desk. I take Edward's cup from the holder, rushing through to his desk, and placing it on the coaster. Going back into my desk and finding my diary, I place numerous sheets of paperwork he'll need for today onto his table, and sort other things out for him. With only five minutes to go, I quickly turn on the heater to warm up his cold room, flick the lights on for him, and close the door, hoping he'll find everything to his satisfaction. He doesn't usually complain…

I sit down in my chair, taking a sip from my own coffee and look down at my list of duties for today. The main one was following Edward to his meeting and taking notes. I could do this with my eyes closed, and that's probably why I always go with him.

Then suddenly the office buzz settles down, more keys on keyboards can be heard clicking, and the telephones have stopped from ringing by being answered, thankfully. This can only mean one thing: Edward Cullen as arrived.

I sneak a glance at my watch.

11am and not a second later. I smirk; he's always so punctual.

He makes his route along the desks, talking to the occasional worker and smiling crookedly as he passes by. It's hard not to watch him; all eyes are drawn to the man before me. Even I can't keep my eyes off him. But only for work purposes, of course.

He comes in my line of sight.

Green shirt? Check.

Thin black tie? Check.

Just as I expected.

His stalks over on his way to his office, and I can feel the glares coming my way. There isn't a woman in this office that wouldn't kill for my job, and I know it. He knows it too. And for some reason his cockiness is a turn on for others. For me, it's just another side of his personality. And I get to see a lot of sides, due to the fact that most of my life revolves around this beautiful man.

He shrugs himself out of his suit jacket, "Good morning Bella." His voice is like pure silk, so smooth and sensitive. It warms my bones and makes my traitorous blush appear. Thankfully, I'm very practised in hiding it now.

I smile. "Good morning, Mr Cullen. Your hot chocolate is on your desk, made just how you like it. The paperwork you need for today's meeting is in your filing tray, and I turned on your heater. I hope you don't mind, it felt quite chilly in there this morning."

His crooked grin appears. "That's fine, Bella. You always think of everything. But then again, that's why I love you."

Yeah. Right.

-.-.-

I usually don't mind going to these meetings. It's a free lunch, where I can sit on my own, and enjoy the sounds of people's laughter floating over me. Sure, I still do my job. There's that little notebook which sits on the corner of my table, a pen poised in my hand ready to take notes at the first intake of Edward's breath. But there are the occasional dinners I try and stay away from. You see, if he has a meeting with a man, that'll be fine. But when it's the women that he's meeting, it begins to get hard to take. Take today's meeting, for instance, with Jessica Stanley. She'll flirt with him like there's no-one else around in the world. And then there'll be me, sitting in the corner, munching on a breadstick feeling lonely. That's when I don't like meetings.

I'm on my way to the lunch meeting with Ms Stanley now. Edward's car is just in front, with my one trailing faithfully behind. I don't share cars with Edward; it's a boss/employee thing. So here I am, waiting for us to arrive at the restaurant, with my little notebook in my hands.

The car draws up to the curb, with Edward's car already stopped. I watch as the driver goes around and opens the car door for him, the curly mop of bronze hair coming into view first, and then his lean body following. I push the door open myself, slamming I closed as gracefully as I can, before walking up to where Edward is waiting for me, albeit quite impatiently.

He turns to me, a small grin on his lips. "Ready?"

"I think the question is, Mr Cullen, are you ready?" I tease him gently, and he doesn't mind. We have a strange relationship, and therefore he knows I'm only joking.

He chuckles. "For the onslaught of flirting from Ms Stanley?' He raised his eyebrows before smirking. 'Of course I am. Plus, it'll be fun."

I smile as he walks away, heading for the entrance of the restaurant, while I stay behind and close, not letting him see my answering smile falter. He might enjoy it - all the attention he'll receive will be ego boosting - but I definitely won't.

The door swings open, and all heads turn towards the cause of the sudden gust of wind. The restaurant is small but cosy, with dim lighting and plush booths. Haunting, yet romantic red walls, and beech wood floors, with small gestures like the vases of roses decorate the room. A waitress, suddenly flushed, runs up to us and enters us in. I watch as Edward bends down, almost letting his lips brush the waitress's ear, while he tells her we have a reservation with Stanley, whom he presumes is already here. All the while I resist the urge to roll me eyes. I watch as the waitress's expression changes to one of lust, even though he's said nothing sexy in particular. It's the huskiness of his voice, I suspect. A lot of woman fall over him for that.

She leads us over to a table in a secluded section of the restaurant. Edward Cullen doesn't eat with normal people. He prefers to sit in a section of his own. Jessica Stanley comes into view, and she'd quickly checking herself in a little compact mirror. As soon as she can see us, she drops the mirror back into her bag, and stands, waiting for Edward to sweep her into his arms. Women would stand for months at the chance of being touched by Edward.

He moved forward, and kisses both of her cheeks, making her cheeks tint pink with blush. She stutters for only a second, and then begins to flirt. They sit down, and I take a seat quietly away from them. They don't care that I'm here. They don't even realise I am here. They are in their own little world, somewhere for just the two of them. And I don't exist.

I don't exist in any part of Edward Cullen's world.

And that hurts, more than I can describe.

I'd love to sit here and tell you all that I'm different from all those other girls. I'd love to be able to smirk and laugh at the stupid woman who have fallen over their heels in love with Edward Cullen; one of the most gorgeous men on the planet. But I can't. For no matter how hard I try and tell myself I haven't, I know I've become one of them too. And the rest of the world can see it.

I'm in love with Edward.

Just like all of the other girls, his charm and beauty have blown me away. When he's near, my heart races uncontrollably. When he touches me, even just a business like handshake, I feel shivers down my spine. His eyes are able to melt me into goo with just a second glance. And I would pay him all my inheritance just to have one kiss on those luscious lips of his.

I've fallen so hard, it physically hurts to be in the same room as him. You have no idea how badly I want him. But can't have him; that's what makes it so damn hard. Being around him, and knowing I love him with no hope in having that love returned - it's too much to take.

I'd become one of them from the moment I walked into that interview room. The moment I caught his eye I told myself to get this job, and pull out all the stops. I did, hence becoming his personal assistant. However, if I'd known that I'd fall in love with this man, things may have been different. I know I definitely wouldn't have subjected myself to this anymore.

Which is why I'm doing something about it.

I have to; I can't continue this anymore. I have to get out of this blooming large whole I've let myself fall into. Because being in love with this man will gain me nothing. Only a broken heart - something I can live without.

"Bella?" Edward's voice makes me jump.

I try and look like I've been listening all along. "Yes?"

He smiles slightly. "Coffee?"

"I'd love some." I look down at my notebook, pretending to begin taking notes, but I don't miss the glare that Ms Stanley sends me. She looks me down, a look that says 'you'll never be good enough for him; he's mine'. Well, she's got it half right. It saddens me that I know that I'll never be good enough for him, yes I know that's true. But I begin to feel a little better when I consider how her next statement will never come true. He doesn't belong to her, or me, or in fact any of the woman who's lives evolve around him.

He doesn't do "involved".

-.-.-

The meeting had went very smoothly, with the subtle touches and lingering looks thrown Jessica's way making us both think we'd got the contract. He was very practiced in flirting with the ladies. He's done it so much he just doesn't realise he'd doing it anymore. In some ways I thank God that he doesn't want to flirt with me; I'd turn into a blushing idiot in seconds.

It's nearing the end of the day now, and the clicks of office lights and banging of stacks of paperwork can be heard throughout the building. It's getting closer to six o'clock, the time when I'm allowed to leave. Everyone else will have left by that time and that'll give me time to do what I need to do. I've been building up to this from the first moment I thought of what I'm going to do. It'll hurt me, it'll break me into pieces. But what else can I do? I'm doing my heart a favour. If I'm not going to be loved, then I don't want to be in love.

I glance over to his office, the walls made of glass making my watching a little easier. His hand is attached to the mouse of his computer and his face stares at the screen, the cutest frown decorating his face. His eyebrows are lightly scrunched and his lips or pouted, making it a picture perfect moment. The looks of concentration on his features makes him look even more adorable. I have to look away. If I'm going through with this, then I have to stay strong. It'll be impossible enough anyway.

The clock above my head strikes six o'clock and I feel like Cinderella ready to run away. That's exactly what I'm doing though, isn't it? I can't handle the pain of loving him anymore. So I'm fixing this in the hardest, and easiest way.

I stack my sheets of paper to perfection, dropping the rest of the small personalised items on my desk into my bag. Ever since this plan formulated, I've been taking things away from this place. It makes it easier for a quick escape, I suppose. I look around the room I've called home for a while, little tears collecting in my eyelids, but I push them back. No tears ever again.

Grabbing my trusty notepad, I swung my bag onto my shoulder, and click off the light like many had done before me. The room is suddenly enveloped in darkness, and I take a moment to prepare myself. With one last look and a sigh, I knock on Edward's door, and he signals for me to come him.

Here we go.

He looks up at me as I enter, that crooked grin set in place. He crosses his arms over his chest, leaning back on his leather chair, and waits for me to read out the timetable for Monday.

I flip open my diary, and take a deep breath before telling him for the last time. "On Monday you have the company meeting, and your PowerPoint, made by Mark from Computing downstairs is on this pen drive al ready for you.' I reach into my bag, produce the object, and then place it on his desk. He nods, letting me continue. 'After lunch you have your monthly check up at the Doctors, and then at two Eric from photography is coming for the meeting with you. That'll only take half an hour and then…' I gulp. 'Then… you have interviews with candidates for the new personal assistant job."

I close the notebook quietly, before dragging my eyes back to him. His face is void from any emotion, but his eyes are glued to mine. We stare at each other for minutes that feel like hours, and no matter how much I beg myself to look away and walk, I can't.

He speaks, slowly, carefully, and quietly. "Why are we taking interviews for a personal assistant job? I don't want to do interviews for new candidates."

My hands start to shake. "Um…' My cool starts to collapse. 'I'm sure Mr McCarthy would be more than happy to take them for you instead, if that's what you wish. I can contact him---"

"No!" His voice raises, and he'd never raised his voice to me before. I fall silent, unsure of what to do. Should I have done this? My heart says yes, and my mind says no. But this time, I'm following my heart, because if I stay here any longer, it'll be the thing that breaks. His face looks verging on angry, but his eyes tell another story. I try to identify what it means, but can't. "What I mean is,' He continued, eyes on his desk now. 'Why are we taking interviews when I don't need a new assistant. I have you. I don't need anyone else."

"I have decided to leave, Mr Cullen." I say quietly, afraid that if I speak any louder my voice will crack.

His eyes catch mine again, and I suddenly want to cry. "Why?" He asks.

My feet shuffle. "I can't work here anymore, Sir. I need to leave."

"Again, why, Bella?" I would have thought he'd be getting impatient, but he seems void of anything at the moment. His voice is simply still.

I look up at him. "I have worked here for three years, Mr Cullen. If I had known that I would get these… feelings, I would not have put myself through this job. I can't work… with these feelings I have… for you. It isn't fair to me, or to you. So to save us both the trouble, and me of a broken heart I am leaving.' I look down, not wanting to watch the surprise ripple through his features. 'I never wanted to fall in love with you, Sir. But I have. It will be easier if I leave."

I clutch my notepad closer to my body, feeling the pain more than ever.

His eyes tell me to stay. And then he says, "Don't do this, Bella. Please."

But I have to. I have to get away. I don't want to feel this pain anymore. So I turn, and reach for the doorknob, before turning one last time and looking at his beautiful face. One tear drips down my cheek.

I swallow. "Goodbye Mr Cullen."

And I leave before I completely fall apart.


End file.
